Another Iteration of Change

Don't make stupid decisions. You have a responsibility as a person that people care about not to be self-destructive. If someone cares about you, they give you something precious and important. You owe it to them to think about the stupid shit you may or may not be doing, and consider how hurting yourself could hurt them.

Don't be an asshole. Don't drink and drive.

2007 was a year of doing what I didn't think I could, of grabbing life by the horns (or balls) and trying new and scary things.

I quit school temporarily and moved home in order to pursue my dream of owning an alpaca farm.

I became bolder in my relationships, talking to guys that I normally would have been intimidated by, getting numbers, and sometimes being a bit more rash than I should have.

I decided to become a bartender, and instead of just talking about it for a while and then forgetting about it, I actually did it. I took the class, rocked it, then got not one, but TWO jobs doing it.

I got a gun, another thing that just would have been talked about before but now has become a reality. I've taken the class to get my CWP, and I'm becoming a better shot.

2008 will be a year of honing the skills I've picked up so far, becoming more comfortable with myself, and taking better care of my body and mind.

In the process of becoming less shy around guys, I've become somewhat reckless so now a balance needs to be struck between assertive and getting what I want, and protecting myself from those guys who most certainly do not have my best interests in mind.

I will learn everything I can about my gun, and become proficient in taking care of it. I'll learn the best ways to carry concealed, and continue to improve my shooting so that if the time ever comes when I need him (god forbid), he comes through for me.

I will expand my creativity and do my best to keep learning new things and trying new techniques. Hopefully I can start the master knitter's program. :D

I want to learn to cook so that I can eat better more consistently. I want to work out regularly and get my body back into a shape that I can really respect. Jacksonville has made me soft. :P

2008 will be a year of balance, growth, and self-improvement. I've said before that I need to focus more on me, and I think now I've achieved the maturity level necessary to really apply myself to that.

2010 will be the next Year of the Tiger, and I need to prepare myself. :D

---

Also, I went ice skating yesterday for Audrey's birthday (Happy Birthday!) and faceplanted twice. Luckily my knees took the brunt of both falls, and now they're fascinating shades of purple and red. My entire core is sore when I flex or walk or really do much of anything. I love ice skating. :D

Merry Christmas, everyone!

The next week will be spent packing and getting ready to go. I want to see people before I leave, but I may have to squish it in between getting stuff set up for school and making sure I've got all my shit together.

I love all of you, and I'm going to miss Jacksonville like hell. I'll be back frequently and often to see everyone, so please please please keep in touch.

My journal goes friends-only at the beginning of the year, so get yourself an account and post here if you want to keep reading. Otherwise you can find me on Facebook and MySpace (both of which will be receiving an overhaul soon.

<3
Shae

I like change. Change is fun and terrifying and keeps things new and fresh. I get the overwhelming feeling that I'm not entirely equipped to handle this much change at once.

At the same time, I feel like since so much of the very basics of my life will be changing, I might as well pile on as many changes as I can fit.

I'm moving to Georgia in (I refuse to actually count. I don't want to know yet. Ostrich Syndrome) days. My address and state of residence (STATE of residence) are changing. Along with my housemates (from three to none) and the type of residence and the amenities available to me.

I've had it pretty comfortable so far, I will admit. It will still be comfortable for me up in Georgia, albeit without a washer, dryer, internet, or television. TV I can deal with. The rest will be more of a challenge. I'll also need to take out my own trash (like all the way to the dumpster-- never had to do that before).

My social life will go from sixty to zero because I know all of two people up there and clubs are a road trip away. I may or may not be in school, I'm not sure yet. I'm sure I'll make friends through my work, but I've got to find work first. Though that shouldn't be a problem, because as Jayne says, "Anyone who can't find work ain't looking hard enough."

I will be living completely alone for the first time in my life. Little Bit (my kitten) and I, versus the great big world. As a consequence of that, I can't talk too much about my living situation, nor can I tell people up there where I live or invite them back to my place for drinks and strip twister. From that it can be extrapolated that I'll have to empty out my Facebook (and Myspace) profile and keep it to the bare minimum so that another Nigel doesn't happen (ugh).

I was going to say more, but an overwhelming sense of NOT READY FOR THIS has sapped my drive to write. :(

Fun fact: My brother is a dumbass.

He got his truck searched today, and they found a fine marijuana dust all over everything, as well as a bong, some weed magazines, rolling papers and a cannister of weed in there, as well as an insane number of cigarettes they'd *just* gotten someone to buy.

So I had to leave knitting early, pick his dumb ass up, and keep him with me while I run errands. He was pretty fussy about the whole thing for a while since he'd never gotten his cigarettes and I refused to get him any.

In the end I ended up missing out on two dinner invitations and a chance to go clubbing because I didn't trust him home alone by himself. >:(

Grar.

I have that iPod commercial stuck in my head. Oi.

I found out today that Marriott has taken me off the schedule completely. Like, I put in my resignation, said my last available day was New Years, and now I'm not even listed as a bartender. :( Granted, there's no work at all for the next two weeks for any of the bartenders, so the end result is the same but it still makes me sad that the last day I worked was the last day I was going to get to work and I had no idea.

To make up for it, Brax and Alan and I are going to do something Saturday night as a kind of "farewell" hangout. It's sad for me that I didn't get to talk to Alan more, but maybe we'll connect or something Saturday and he'll want to see me again before I leave. :D

Gotta drive down to Orlando tomorrow to pick up a package that got sent to entirely the wrong address thanks to the internets. >:/ I'll drive down, get the package, say hi to a peep or two (time allowing), then drive back home in time to fix Robert's computer and maybe hit up 80s night at Eclipse.

Saturday I get to see my purly girls again! Yay! /kermit

Sunday I hang out with Nick, Monday and Tuesday are family days, Wednesday I'll go shooting with Ryan the Marine, Thursday.. something may be happening, and Friday Brian will come to visit, so more shooting and St Augustine. :D

Somewhere in all that I need to finish the last couple of Christmas presents, get my shit packed and organized, and get my classes squared away. Eeep! *begins to feel vaguely overwhelmed*

I think I will sleep, and tomorrow when I get a chance, make a list of everything that needs to be done so I can freak out a little less about it all. *flail*

I just can't win, can I?

I finally got registered for the one class that I think I can afford the out-of-state tuition for in the Spring semester. My grand total for that semester? $3200. WTF. ONE CLASS.

Out of state tuition is four times the in-state tuition. I knew it was going to be high, but jesus h christ on crackers with cheese.

I still need to move up there because I'm not going to get in-state any other way, but that leaves me with two semesters of question marks as I try to figure out how to take classes without spending everything I've got. I'm trying to avoid having to take out more loans.

I wonder if FCCJ has an online calculus class I could take. That would suck though because I wouldn't really have anyone to help me with it and Calc is NOT my strong suit. >(

Some days I really just want to pitch a fit and get exactly what I want. Too bad the world doesn't work like that. >.

So I think we've settled it. I am going to Georgia in January. In-state tuition is out of the question right away, but the longer I wait to actually move, the longer it'll be before I can get it. I'll take one or two classes for two semesters, take my hard math classes so I can focus on just those and get them out of the way, and be ready when it comes time to take a full course-load come Spring '09.

We'll ignore the fact that I should've been graduating by this point. :)

In the meantime, I'm rushing to get my Christmas stuff done in time for the Black Purls party (that I'll end up leaving way too early-- booo work!), salivating over all these lovely patterns that seem to crop up right when I need to focus on other things, and also salivating over the Walther PPS that I am dead-set on buying. If I have some really good nights at work like I've been having, I'll have enough to buy the gun soon.

I plan on calling around on Wednesday and seeing if any of the gun ranges have one that I could shoot for a bit to see if it's really for me. I've been reading up on handgun ownership and I'm feeling pretty confident. I've also got Cartridges of the World eying me from my bookshelf and I'm dying to crack that open sometime soon.

All this talk of handguns (and my ever-so-fun monthly visitor) has got me thinking about Adam more than I would like. If ever there was a person I just wanted to throttle out of sheer frustration, it would be him. I also kind of wish I could throttle my subconscious for bringing him up. Bitch bitch bitch. Hopefully Georgia will help erase him from my mind.

I'm contemplating cutting my hair real short again and dying it maybe black or red right before I move to Georgia. We'll see. It may be a passing fancy. Speaking of Georgia, it's getting closer and closer. I'll have to start packing up my shit and taking what little I can fit into the camper up there with me. The rest is going to end up in storage for who knows how long, so I have to kind of trim down what I own. It doesn't seem like a whole hell of a lot, but there are so many little things that I own that don't go into any real category and don't really do much but sit on my shelf. I wish I were the type to live like a Spartan, with only what I need.

After the first week or so of classes, it's open season to come visit me up in my camper. Try to coordinate so that I don't run out of beds for everyone who does want to see me, and also be warned there's one teeny bathroom and teeny shower, so you may be roughing it a little. But yes! Come! Visit, and see the place I've fallen in love with. You may think I'm crazy, but that's okay. :D

<3
Shae.

Anything that I talk about extensively seems to get sabotaged by life.

I got fired from Blackstone today. :( Nothing I did, just not nearly enough work for three bartenders, and I was the least qualified of us. I'm turning in my tie in a few minutes, and I'll get my paycheck for all two days that I worked.

All plans are on hold until some things are decided, so if you must operate on any assumptions, operate on the assumption that I am alive and going to Georgia at some point. Nothing else is certain right now, least of all the date that I leave for Georgia.

I've never been fired before, but thankfully I can still say that I've never been fired for incompetence, laziness, or unwillingness to work hard. My work ethic is still intact, thank God. I don't think my pride could've handled being fired for being a bad employee.

Off to see the boy. :)

My life has been going smoothly of late, I think.

Boy and I are doing well. A rough spot or two that needs work but other than that we get along great and have fun together. Sometimes I get the impression that we're not really quite sure what to do with each other, as we're quite different in a lot of ways. But we like each other and haven't run into any large walls yet.

Or maybe it's like that with everyone and once you become comfortable with them you forget all about it until the next time. But I don't think that's true if you have one person who's more likely to take the lead. When both of you are more content to sit back and watch the show, it can be kind of awkward when you both decide to reach for the reins, then stop because you don't want to step on the other person's toes. It's hard to explain, but I think you understand.

Work at Blackstone is enjoyable. We're slow on the days I work, so there's a lot of standing around, but I'm slowly learning about wines and beers and becoming more confident with my drink-making. I've only worked with Mike thus far, and he's really funny. I don't know if I'll ever work with Ryan because Mike works pretty much every night we're open. The food at Blackstone is amazing, by the way.

Started at Marriott on Friday. That was going well at first, working with my friend Brax. Will and Matt will appreciate this: my first function ever? A Navy holiday party, the USS Boone. I ate something funky, unfortunately, and went home very very sick and miserable after a few hours. Thankfully I was fine by the next day, as I had to do some serious pants shopping before work on Saturday. Wet Seal for the win, as I found a style and size I liked a lot, and they had THREE PAIRS in. THREE. This is unheard of! Naturally I ganked them all, along with a cute black vest with leopard-print lining, and a cute red tie (getting on a tie kick, I think, thanks to Blackstone).

Things went more smoothly on Saturday. Five different functions, all requiring bartenders, so we had something like fourteen bars open that night. I worked a pair of bars with a cute guy from Tifton (of all places) named Alan. They also stuck another guy from Champs (a downstairs bar) in with us because I was new, but he didn't do much except cause us to split the tips a third way and get my number. I suppose I should have said something about my currently un-single status, but since I doubt he'll call me, it shouldn't matter too much.

Feeling a lot better about my drinks, so the only part I'm still shaky on at Marriott is setting up the bar, mostly because I'm not entirely sure how to find out how much of whatever beers I need and all that. I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Going out to Eclipse tomorrow night. See you there? :D
Shae.

I has a boy. :)

I don't want to say very much about it, lest I jinx myself.

I like him, he's sweet, and he gets along with my friends. A group of us went out Monday night for Rhythm Revue at Eclipse and had a great time.

In other news, Marriott's schedule is picking up and my weekends are potentially shot from here to New Years, and I'm working three days a week at Blackstone. Yay monies, eventually. :D

Sleepytimes. :D

"Twice the beauty is seen when shared."

:)

posting this from my brand new enV phone. I'm in love, I think. Now I can bitch about guys from any place with cell service. Heaven forbid you not be able to hear about my failures in the dating arena!
^.^

I made a statement last night to Matt at the Waffle Huse that, while true, came out entirely wrong thanks to my inebriated state.

I said to him something along the lines of, "I really just want him to come talk to me, so I have someone to talk to," referencing a guy who'd been eyeing me for a large part of the night, and happened to be at Waffle Huse at the same time as we were. Much eye contact was made, but nothing came of it. He did attempt to beckon me out into the parking lot as he was leaving, but I was damned if I was going to run after him like some puppy. He could man up and come talk to me if he really wanted.

Either way, what I said came out sounding kind of pathetic, as if I didn't have many friends or people to talk to at all in life-- something that is completely untrue. I have lots of friends and I love them dearly. I have people I can talk to about pretty much anything.

I'd been chewing on that statement earlier, trying to figure out what I really meant by it, and this is what I came up with:

I'm tired of being seen as a means to an end. A quick way to reach a goal, generally the goal of satisfying their desire for sex. Get in, get what you want, get out. Granted, when I'm watching guys at the club, I'm seeing a pretty face or a nice body and generally scoping them out the same way you do a nice steak at the butcher's. However, I'm willing to see them as more if they want. I'm willing to welcome them in and make them a real part of my life. Not just another notch on my bedpost, if you will. I want someone to see me across the dance floor and really want to get to know me. Yeah, he'll be attracted to me (who wouldn't? ^.~) but he'll also want to learn more about me. He'll want something a little more substantial than just tonight.

Clearly, I live in a fantasy world and am completely out of touch with reality. I like it that way, though. The people here are much nicer. :)

Grrrrah. Boys make me angry.

Boy #1 decided that two fat chicks with less-than-perfect self-esteem was better than chatting up the drunk girl with too much dignity to booty-dance all over him. Whatever.

Boy #2, who was apparently hanging out with the aforementioned fat chicks has enough balls to make eye contact with me multiple times but can't bother to ask for a phone number or offer one, but CAN beckon me out into the parking lot with him and his friends. Not creepy at all, no.

Fuck you, dude. If you're going to eyeball me, do something about it. Otherwise I'll take it for a challenge and come out and kick your ass. No joke. Rarrr. >

Strip clubs are lame. Just FYI.

Last night we hit up Eclipse out of sheer boredom and were blown away by a DJ who seemed to be having an absolute blast playing some serious retro music. We went there tonight, and it was lame. :( So we went to Pearl instead. Guess who was there? Teh DJ! He danced with Joel and Blake and I for a while and his name is Juice Box and he did the entire Thriller dance. It was awesome.

I like the Pearl, no matter what Blake may say. ^^

Black Purls tomorrow night, I think. Eclipse on Thursday, a supposed group event on Friday, Eclipse again on Saturday, and maybe, just maybe, I'll think about not going out on Sunday. :D I enjoy having a social life. It is good times.

FOLKS!

Eclipse, Thursday night! I don't care if you have family stuff. Get it done and get your ass to Eclipse. No cover, $2 cocktails, $5 mind erasers (I want one!), and badass music, as always.

Also, I had an epiphany today while riding my bike. Not so much an epiphany as a V8 head-slap moment.

Don't be surprised that a guy tells you he likes Risk (a lot) when you have "RISK!!!" written in the interests section of your profile. This is the problem with online profiles. It makes it really easy for people to tailor themselves to you so that they can trick you into the sack. Aren't people great?

I hate becoming a little more cynical every day. Before this, it never would have occurred to me that someone would like about liking a board game because they saw that I liked it. :(

Okay, so I've officially given up on this "boy" idea of mine until I get to Georgia at the absolute earliest. I won't bore you with the details of my most recent run-in with Epic Fail, but suffice to say I learned a few things. Which I also won't share because they're probably bleedingly obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together who ISN'T also horny as fuck.

Will and Blake are happy 'cause they won't have to hear me bitching about it.

Georgia, by the way, was amazing. Pictures on the Facebook tomorrow sometime. I can't wait to go back. Only a month and a half! :D

Made it up to Georiga, finally. I'm sitting here in a lovely cafe called The Blackbird, drinking GOOD chai and knitting on my Victory Scarf (because I got accepted into GCSU!).

( To save the Flist )

More tomorrow! ^_^

I'm thinking Bartender guy is a bust. Cute enough, but kind of an alcoholic. It's not really a deal-breaker, but he also didn't seem overly interested in me (it may have been that he just woke up and wasn't entirely there yet). I'll probably give him a call on Monday if I haven't heard from him, or I might just go out to the Pearl again on Tuesday. That was fun. :D

We might have fun together, but I got the impression that he didn't really do a whole lot except work and drink, so I don't know if he'd enjoy doing non-alcoholic activities with me. :/

All I want is a guy to have fun with. Someone to keep me amused until I move. I'm not looking for anything crazy-- just a good time. Why is that so hard to find? Grar.